LIQUID LOVES - Bauman In his work, Liquid Loves - The Fragility of Human Bonds, Bauman draws a parallel with how our capitalist society shapes the way we relate emotionally and sexually. You meet someone who seems interesting, who sometimes gives you a lot of attention, and sometimes disappears without giving any explanation. But what kind of satisfaction? Do we have a relationship? I think so. We maintain daily contact, share personal matters, photos, videos, and schedules. But wait, was there a proposal for a relationship? No, then there's no relationship. Or is there? Assuming there isn't, I can go on, undo it, form it, and undo it. But what can I do if there's nothing "concrete"? So I don't need to say anything, just disappear. On the one hand, in the same person: we're separated! On the other: are we together? Bauman calls this mixed signals. I want to talk for hours, have a daily routine, talk about where I am and where I'm going, but with a conflicting desire to strengthen ties but also to keep them loose. There's an intoxicating illusion that envelops us like a spell (etymologically, an enchantment, something short-lived) that's satisfied with connection, doesn't need a relationship. The paradox of the desire to have and the boredom of possessing (Schopenhauer). But why do we act like this? Out of fear! Fear of reliving traumatic experiences, and I know you're thinking about that person who hurt you, but I can already tell you that it wasn't with them that this "started," but that's a topic for another time; me, you, and Freud, lol. The fear of accessing the core of the pain of abandonment, of rejection, fosters in us a distrust that everything will repeat itself. The anguish arises: eating the cake but keeping the cake intact. Gain without loss. A boundary between a gentle caress and a grip that can squeeze me. Result? A pocket-sized relationship. One that's used when it fits, and kept when not, but always at hand, without commitment. Sometimes yes, sometimes no, it depends... Let's leave it at that, without labels, lol. Those who identify with liquid love (and those who don't) dread feeling trapped, even if it's an abstract emotional prison. It's like skiing on ice; if you linger, it breaks and you could die, so let's move quickly, gliding at speed. The season is open and soon it's closing. We see all of this blatantly, in the replacement of "in-person" relationships (I feel like I'm blaspheming and violating grammar right now) by virtual relationships, whose essence is instant gratification, effortless results, constant movement, and high turnover. This results in confusion and emotional distress, distributed evenly, just like all the suffering we experience. It comes on strong and passes. But it's back again. Bauman compares us to sewer rats, who, lacking a stable routine, live daily with the adrenaline of inconstancy, irregularity, and the insecurity of whether or not they have what nourishes them. After all, fixating on what existed yesterday, believing it will exist today, is practically assuming the risk of annihilation. And this is reliving memories of a traumatic scenario, but that's also a topic for another time. What solution has been created for this reality? Total awareness + no expectations = Safe sex (virtual and real). We have nothing, and that's clear, right? And if you think you do, it was an expectation you created (abstention from responsibility). Safe sex, safe in terms of condoms, only. Without emotional security, after all, the greater the openness to emotional relationships, the more dangerous it is. Yes, the solutions are shallow, on par with animals to a certain extent: ignoring messages for months, blocking, deleting. Pretending it doesn't exist is, according to psychology, a child's psychic and psychological defense mechanism, one we used when we were little because we lacked cognitive sophistication. Now, as 'adults,' because we're not yet mature (read: mature, too), we resort to the same resource. Oops, Freud again. Isn't it curious how you recognize yourself in this text right now? Me too, and look, I chose the subject because I was curious about Bauman's thought, and upon learning, I was like: wow, all of me! But what about love? Where does love fit into all this? Achieving the capacity to love is a rare achievement that requires high and constant levels of: humility to recognize that you don't know how to love and to be willing with an open heart to learn. COURAGE to explore the unknown field of your own vulnerability and that of others. PERSISTENCE to not give up in the face of the challenges that relational life presents. This is the magic of philosophical thought and its incredible ability to relate ideas to life as it is. I was dying to practice my Latin, here with you. I've been teaching for a few months now and I've been satisfying this desire with my students, but you're also special to me, so you can count on me to occasionally question life, being and not being, but mainly, being ourselves wherever we are.