Good night bbs, I think you noticed my disappearance more than often... I don't even know why all this in fact, many things happened in my personal life, in this crazy retrograde mercury to make us even more crazy. Camming is something that I try to take lightly, with harmony, with joy, but many confuse, many in real life confuse what I do virtual and stop doing. I end up confused. I end up not being able to get in even to laugh and be distracted because of X reasons that hammer my thinking. I end up leaving things and essential aspects of life outside of here unintentionally, for giving myself so much here. I thought a thousand times to end all this and pretend that nothing ever happened and move on with my life. At the same time, I think of so many things, friendships and laughter that I've conquered here, that whether I wanted to or not, I made a difference to some people. How much maturity, independence and resilience camming has brought me. But it's complicated for me... I think that in this pandemic, camming brought me a lot of temporary illusion, not knowing when it would end, not knowing in fact one day it would end. All I know is that it marked, and it still marks us a lot. When I enter here and I come across messages like "ain still peladinha still I don't know how you don't get naked on a porno site???" I take a deep breath and try to explain that that's not all I'm here for. I ended up creating a great connection here with everyone we interacted with, regardless of having a naked body or not. I don't like the standard, I'm not a do-it-all for money anymore, I don't want to flaunt my body for pennies, far from it. Receiving messages like this gives me an alarming disgust lol despite knowing that unfortunately this is the purpose of this site, I try to take it lightly and be different, be me, seek an extra r-evolution. Thousands may pass in my living room, but I know and love when they make a difference. I am intense, I am true. Sometimes all we need is a friendly hug, a comforting and safe space and forget about the world and its problems for a while, maybe I need it right now. The problem is that I take this too seriously, while there are thousands of naked men and men with their sexual instincts oppressed here... Wanting a difference, making a difference... It shouldn't be so hard... Real life isn't enough anymore very crazy out here.