Planning in the moment is only the certainty of now! We didn't have a future, despite planning it in the small spaces of the present that was lived. I firmly believed that YOU were everything I wanted, when what I wanted was still completely uncertain, not even I knew, much less you! Breathing colors out there, right there after the ocean. Medieval places, cold and bucolic climate always seemed brilliant and compatible with the vision of the century that existed and I was not part of. And so was your love, or almost yours. And the future brought me here, in the absence of an almost you. I speak for myself, because I am the only one to blame! Guilty because deep down I knew that my potential couldn't be poured out there, guilty because I wanted BUT and you offered me MORE, guilty because every cell of mine screamed for me to stay away and the daydreams overcame me so I could stay close. And that's how it was, that's how I discovered that every particle of me didn't want you, because in the end it would be you who was going to destroy me!