You always see me here very feminine, in a little dress, smooth, soft skin, shining hair, and you think I'm a well of candor lol. And I really am, I'm sweet, affectionate, understanding but I have personality for half a dozen. Move to see lol. Since I was a little girl, I was bullied, at daycare, at school, at home, as an adult, plus some horrible experiences that added up to make me a withdrawn, insecure person, always on the defensive, overprotecting and isolating myself to try not to get hurt. Since I started therapy, many chips have fallen for me. One of them is that the time of being a victim needed to come to an end. And that to stop being ''beaten'', I would need to learn to defend myself. My psychoanalyst recommended JIU-JITSU to develop the following aspects: self-perception of strength, interaction and physical contact with men, socializing in a new environment, developing aggressiveness for initiative, self-confidence. I scheduled a trial class and couldn't make it, anxiety screaming. Fortunately, I'm very rational and I told myself that what I want to get to goes through certain uncomfortable paths and we don't work with shortcuts. I rescheduled. In the first class I barely made eye contact, in the third I asked the classmate to hit me so that I would defend myself. Hearing me saying that irritated me deeply, I really didn't have the slightest bit of aggression to start the roll. I got home, studied and in the next class, I went up to the orange belt who rolled his eyes because he would have to roll with the newbie here, I made as if I was going to grab the lapel, grabbed the pants, threw them on the ground, mounted and finished with Kimura lol . His little eyes rolling, not knowing what was going on when he was taken by surprise, gave me more satisfaction than an orgasm. The ego is massacred all the time, I arrive on the mat all pimp and then there's a foot or a butt in my face; bruises everywhere, broken nails, disheveled hair. Bad days: I get beaten up for a blue belt who thinks he's purple, I hang out with some not-so-hot guys, I deal with people who don't wash their gi or shower before training. These days I wonder what I'm doing with my life r. The good days include: nobody got out of my closed guard, I choked two white belts, I fitted the perfect rear naked choke, I got an armbar and applied at least two sweeps, with my hand on the belt and scissors and I dealt with one more tasty than the other. Ô delicious the jiujiteiro rs. Observations +18: Due to my lack of experience with physical contact with men, I don't know a lot of things you; I've been discovering a few things in gentle art lol... 1) Physically, a man is very different from a woman when it comes to strength. You are harder, denser, hair everywhere, breathing is stronger, everything is big, bones, muscles. As strong as a woman is, a man is on another level. 2) You can flirt in jiujitsu; the guy pulls you by the sash, very close, in a 50 shades of gray vibe to teach you how to tie the sash, humm, good! LOL. Someone offers a tape, a post-workout massage and releasing specific moans always results in a cute: sorry, did I hurt you? LOL. 3) being mounted gives a wonderful feeling of power: you are sitting on top of the young man, in control, you have a privileged viewing angle. it's like a throne, on top of the world lol. I feel like I belong there, sitting lol. But I confess that entering the guard and feeling the weight of the jiujiteiro also has its value, hey there lol. Ok ok, it should be clear by now that I've been taking some cones there and causing one or another involuntary erection (and it's not even a meme) but calm down, that BJJ is a serious thing lol, I'm not paying anymore lol. Jokes aside, not every woman is prepared for this truth but you men are much easier to live with! Playful, light, friendly, they like to teach and know how to balance the right time to turn the key and be aggressive. Of course I'm referring to men, not boys. Now without false modesty, I'm doing so well and I'm so happy with this phase of my life. I've changed so much that I don't even remember what I was like. Life is not about what they did to you but what you do with what they did to you. Psychologically, emotionally and physically; Enough of the beating, it's time to start hitting. OSS! #brunette